I'm just so fitful and I can't stand being here! I'm sorry, I'm sorry Marmee. There's just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I - I can't. And I just know I'll never fit in anywhere. -Jo March
So fitful....I'll never fit in anywhere.
I wonder at times if I am a tumbleweed.
No real roots, traveling from town to town, and with no real home of my own.
Oh, there are towns that I know well, with faces and streets I called familiar and home...once.
I often find myself looking out and wanting, wanting what I don't have.
It's like looking over at the deep rooted fig tree and it seems so stable, full of life and ladened with fruit. I'm harshly reminded I am a tumbleweed.
There are some days the wind is just right and I caught the whispers of the deep rooted fig tree, and the words confuse me..."I long to up root and shake off this fruit. Oh, how I long to hear the stories of far off lands, for one moment may I live as the tumbleweed?"
As the whispers fade with the change of the wind, I too am caught up in the movement and I fade into the next location.
I am fitful...
I am seeking...
I am learning...
I am winning battles...
I am loosing battles...
I am a tumbleweed.
2 comments:
I can relate to that. And then on the flip side, as a tumbleweed looking at the possibility of becoming a fig tree, that's equally scary. I wonder if it's a "grass is always greener" type of scenario. I'll be praying for you, Carrie.
Laughing at your quote, only because I can say them, from memory, right along with you sister. I know you have "fixed" the problem and I wish you a new groundedness in your new tumble weed local.
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